Dodgers Must Sweep the Historically Awful Diamondbacks

The Diamondbacks are the biggest joke in baseball with their current 6-37 stretch that includes a record 23 consecutive losses on the road.

The Dodgers will be facing off for the first of three games against the gefilte fish of baseball otherwise known as the Arizona Diamondbacks. For those that didn’t grow up Jewish, imagine eating your uncle’s dirty socks that have been pickled in a brine of sea water and sweat for 30 years. 

Anything less than a sweep from the Dodgers is a complete and utter failure. With a sweep, the Dodgers at 2.5 games back could snatch first place from the Giants and put some major distance between themselves and the struggling Padres. Fernando Tatis, Jr. is going ballistic with his NL-leading 22 home runs, but the Padres are 3-7 in their last 10 and are sliding back. Standings aside, you can’t be the team that ends one of the greatest running jokes in baseball. 

After losing 10-3 to the Giants yesterday, the Diamondbacks have lost an MLB-record 23 consecutive road games. Their last win came on April 25, when Madison Bumgarner tossed a seven-inning no hitter against the Braves. This was the same day as the Oscars and while it might be a little bit less than 2 months, in COVID time this ends up equating to a couple eons.   

Bringing up history is one of the best ways to show just how historically awful they are. 

Before yesterday, the 1943 Philadelphia Athletics and the 1963 New York Mets were the only two teams in MLB history that had lost 22 consecutive games. 

What was going on in 1943 you might ask? 

Architect George Bergstrom finished building the Pentagon that has become one of the most powerful and prominent buildings in U.S. history. 

Lieutenant John F. Kennedy saved the lives of crew members on the PT-109 following an attack from the Japanese and would use this as a centerpiece for his presidential campaigns. 

Cubs owner, Phillip K. Wrigley, created the All-American Girls Professional Baseball League (AAGPBL). The league was prominent through the 1940s, but eventually died out in 1954 once the MLB was back and booming. This cultivated the 1992 classic A League of Their Own and if Tom Hanks vociferously yelling “There’s no crying in baseball” doesn’t pop up in your head then you get a big bowl of disappointment from me.

What was going on 20 years later in 1963 you might ask?

The aforementioned war hero, and now president, Kennedy, was tragically gunned down while riding in a presidential motorcade through Dealey Plaza in Dallas by Harvey Lee Oswald. 

Dr. Martin Luther King delivered his “I Have a Dream” speech in front of 200,000 peaceful protesters marching through Washington in support of civil rights. 

The Dodgers sweep the Yankees in four games to win their second world championship in five years. Their pitching staff, led by Sandy Koufax, Don Drysdale and Johnny Podres held the Bronx Bombers to a brutal .117 batting average, and the Yankees never led at any point as well. 

If history doesn’t aid in screaming out how much of a joke this team is then hopefully some good old stats will do the trick. 

When this cataclysmic era of baseball first began they were only 2.5 games back from the first place Giants; they now are 24.5 games back. 

Starters have gone on to average an ERA of 6.05. Thinking about Jacob DeGrom giving up only eight earned runs in total the whole season makes this even more painful. 

The Dodgers come into this game with a league leading 5.62 runs per game, so D-Backs fans should only expect their pitching woes to increase by the boatload. 

One silver lining in this disaster has to be their Twitter team. Game after game just getting your skull bashed in must be physically exhausting, but at least they are finding some humor in it.